the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She announced her abortion via fbk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
