I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize