Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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