I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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