guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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