i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
