Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dick has a subreddit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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