Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am one with the molecules
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
