One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
