is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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