If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
