i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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