guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I will pee on everything he values.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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