Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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