I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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