the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh god it's open bar.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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