wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
