so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
