it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
