on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You ruined the universe
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
