had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
