I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
