My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize