man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
