i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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