Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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