Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
