my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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