you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
