Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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