So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
