I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Shame - the story of my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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