david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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