fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
