they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
