Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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