The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i think i just lost a toe
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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