Do you still have your period?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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