Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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