Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
