I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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