i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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