Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
