WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
