he puts the penis in happiness.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
