I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
