Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
