how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
