I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
