Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
