life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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