i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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