You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
