Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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