I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
