yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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