Swine flu. Run for my life!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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