So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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