Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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