Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
