Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
